Just me...

2006-01-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

Its the new year, and with it comes multiple new years resolutions and many more broken ones. My new years resolution is to make sure that i am in bed by 1:30 at the latest, and even earlier when i am working early because i have been making myself rather ill sue to lack of sleep lately and that is not good. I guess tho i could make an exception and make it only work nights, which means that this is one of them... so i guess i should go. I hope everyone has more success than i do in keeping their resolutions!

2005-12-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

Yay its Christmas, and for once im happy :)

2005-12-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

I had work today which wasnt too bad, I wasndered around aimlessly in my break and felt rather aloof as it is the first time in ages that I have been able to leave the shop in my break, normally i have to sit out te back and eat and try to pass the time all the while hoping that we dont get a sudden ruch of customers to interrupt my aimless thoughts!
Nothing really interesting happened taody, we had a busy day which given the fact that there were thunderstorms etc during the day was unexpected. We had done double what we normally do by 3:00 and it wasnt looking good for them when I finally left at 3:30. I saw the boy last night which was good and I had a rather enjoyable evening :P It kinda sucks at the moment tho because we are in the shitty television stage of the year. Hopefully though it will all passt pretty soon and ratings tv will come back.
I am very strongly thinking about going to the States at the end of next year on a work USA program. I can image working over there maybe in the ski fields - i'd probly work as a waitress hnopefully and do a bit of travelling. Or I am thinking that I will take about a year off uni and go over to Italy. I have a dream of sitting out the back of an amazing villa in Italy looking out over the country side -maybe in Cortona just outside of Tuscany?? The colours and smells would be amazing, staring out at plantations of olive trees and people in the distance on the hills harvesting them. I would be sitting on a deck chair, it would be just before sunset, the weather would be perfect, not too hot but still warm enough to drink a fruit cocktail in the sun. The oranges and reds of the sunset would spread across the sky as far as the eye can see. I would go inside just before all the bugs came out and the sun completely dissappeared. I would sit in the second floor window staring out at the dark fields with candles below all waiting for my guewts to arrive. As I would be having an amazing dinner party. The table would be set with white table cloths so that the stains of a good Italian dinner could be scrubbed out the next day :P As the guests arrived we would have drinks out on the back verandah while I was running in and out of the kitchen trying not to burn it down! We would all sit around a great big tabel full of food there would be at least 12 of us, there would be spaghettu, roast, ragu and anything else that we could ever desire, all accompanied by a wine from the local region. For desert there would be dried fruit and cheese, followed by more wine! The laughter and fun would continue well into the night before everyone left to go home. I would leave the dishes for the next day and retire to bed.
Now that is paradise.

2005-12-13T20:45:00.000-08:00

Ok so now that exams have finished i have come back from my holiday and we have finally got our ADSL connection to the internet working i can finally put a post on here!!
Life is going fairly well at the moment. I am still with the boy, work is good - except i am working an incredible number of hours compared to what I am used to, i survived the 7th of December which would have been my grandmothers birthday (the first one we have had to celebrate without her) and only shed a few tears, i have recieved my grades for uni and passed all of my subjects yay!!, and tonight I am cooking a roast lamb dinner for my boy, my brother and my sister, which hopefully will taste great and last of all I have finished 99% of my christmas shopping and even given some of my christmas presents out (or rather my brother gave them to my dad when he went to QLD the other weekend!). Now all I have to do is organise to spend some time with one of my friends who is going to Europe for 3 weeks before she leaves, which will hopefully be happening this weekend when we go to Carols and other than that bring on Christmas. There are going to be some mixed feelings this Christmas. It is the first Christmas we will be celebrating without my grandmother which is going to be incredibly hard on my grandfather and my mother as it was her mother who passed away. It was bad enough on what would have been my grandmothers birthday, I sent mum some flowers at work so that she knew I was thinking of her and that made her cry so hopefully it wont be too bad, but there will still be a noticable absence at the table this christmas.
On another note I am not sure what I am going to be doing this new years, I feel like going out and having a massive celebration but I am not sure if I have the energy. Im sure when it comes to the night I will feel great - that is if I dont pass out at work that day because no doubt I will be working Christmas eve and new years eve - not exactly fair but oh well we shall wait and see what happens because this is all purely speculation.
Well if I have any readers left after my considerably long absence from this blog I hope you all found that interesting or at least some way to pass the time!!
More later!

2005-11-18T04:18:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHHHHHH... I hate exams...

To study or not to study

2005-11-14T03:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this no internet thing hasnt really held out very well. I have my first exam tomorrow and am over it. I am over everything... study, and uni and study. I tried to study today to the point that i drove myself to the library to study so i wouldnt get distracted but after an hour (whcih felt like about 6) I was nearly falling asleep and decided it was time to come home. I still have a few hours tomorrow morning in which I can study but Im at the point where i know that i dont know enough but also my brain just wont focus and I cant study... and I still have one exam and one assignment to go... Wish me luck!!

2005-11-10T04:17:00.000-08:00

Not much has been happening lately. Just trying to study - the main emphasis on the word trying - it isnt working very well tho! I think Im going to have to ban myself from the net for the next few days... which I know isnt going to work but Im going to try...
So I shall now go and finish chatting to my b/f and then go to bed ... or I could start this no internet thing in the morning... sounds good to me!!

2005-11-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

Im rather tired but theought id write something quickly to get something down!
Not much is happening at the moment, my head is surprisingly clear... well not really but its just filled with things that I'm not sure are really issues but just things that my head is doubting. Anyway I dont really know what to write. I am working at the moment, and trying to study for exams which is pretty hard cause I cant seem to motivate myself...
Oh well hopefully about 3 and 1/2 months off will get my head into line and ill start to enjoy it again!
I kinda of feel like what im doing is pointless. The only reason Im doing it is to come out with a piece of paper at the end of it and even then I will have to go into the workforce and learn everything again.
Anyway I will have to leave it at that before i fall asleep at the keyboard!
Have a good night all.

2005-11-02T22:12:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since my last post and I guess thats because I've been sicker than what I thought. Its been ok but I had to go into hospital yesterday and have them check things out, it was good and bad news but the bad news isnt drastically bad so i guess it was pretty good all round. Am now feeling alot better tho which is especially helpful considering I have exams coming up!
I dont knwo if ive written about the houseboat trip coming up but I cannot wait, it is the one thing that i am looking forward to the most and I only have a few more weeks to go, just imagine 5 days of lying on the deck of a houseboat floating down a river watching the gum trees go past and the birds flying in the sky, getting a very nice tan and relaxing to the max!
All I have to do now is make it through the next few weeks without having a nervous breakdown :P

2005-10-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

Not much happened today which makes me wonder... who will actually read this...

2005-10-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

So ive had a pretty busy weekend. On Friday night I went on a pub crawl... lots of fun - $1 scooners at the second pub - great prices but a bad idea as i was fairly gone by the end of the second hour :P I didnt drink too much more for the rest of the night cause I spent it trying to stop one of my friends from starting a punch up and getting us all kicked out of the pubs!
After getting to be at 4:00ish I had to be at work at 12:30 - which wasnt too bad and I wasnt hungover either which was a good thing. The one emnarrasing thing about that night was that the new boyfriend was there. I have alreay apologised to him for the fact that I got kind of drunk - i didnt think it was a great impression to make - but he assured me that I wasnt too bad and that I handle myself really well when I'm drunk!
On saturday ngiht I went to a quiz night to support a friend and catch up with some ppl I havent seen for a while. After that I ended up heading over the the boyfriends place at about midnight and didnt get home until about 3:00, needless to sy that today I have been completely buggered. I had a date with some friends to go to the movies at 1:30 today so was being picked up at 12:#0 to get to a friends place and then over the other side of the city in time for the movie. We met my b/f , his sister and a mutual friend there and were just in time to see the previews. After that I went to watch my brother and b/f play indoor soccer - which they lost :( but they were playing a really good team so it wasnt too surprising.
After that we proceeded to go out to dinner and then everyone came back to my place and we played a board game - some of us fell asleep half way through - and everyone left at about 11:50ish. So I thought I would jump on the net really quickly and check a few things before going to bed and trying to catch up on the hours and hours of sleep that I am lacking at the moment!

2005-10-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

I have been really tired lately and its starting to get on my nerves. I have soo much that I need/want to do but never have the time - dont get me wrong I love sleeping but when it comes down to I just just dont have the time to and its getting really bad because I am giving up sleep to fit in everything else that I have to do, whether it be work, uni or spending time with ppl. Speaking of uni its getting really tiresom. I mean I still enjoy it but it is getting really tedious. I have been studying for about 14 years straight and something has got to give... Hopefully I will get to take a trip to the states at the end of next year so until then I am living from one highlight to the other. My first thing to look forward to is the houseboat trip that im taking incredibly soon. I am loking forward to it soo much, I cant wait until I get to spend days sitting out on the deck with my b/f anf other good friends doing nothing, sitting in the fresh air floating down the river hearing nothing but the sounds of the trees rustling, birds and laughter (possibly drunken laughter and possibly through drunken ears!). It is going to be so peaceful. I need a holiday, i need some time to just sit and not have to worry about work and uni and nothing except spending time with people who make me happy with my greatest worry being wether I should have a Coopers or a Stella (for those not familiar with Coopers and Stella they are types of beer) and who is going to get it for me :P

long time

2005-10-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since my last post, which I guess is a good thing considering I only generally write here when I'm feeling down, but tonight I decided to make an exception! I have come to realise that there are some amazing writers out there who have published some amazing blogs - unfortunatly I am not one of them. These people have the amazing ability of portraying a situation and making it feel like you are sitting right there looking in on a moment in their lives. I think it is amazing how some peoplecan use words to portray things that some of us would only be able to get across with the use of a video camera. I guess different people have different talents. I find it amazing that some people have such an ability to discribe their emotions and situations in such beautiful detail with the use of words - whether it be in wiritng, songs, or just even talking. The best I can do is just talk about how I am feeling.
I had a moment today when I realised that I may not be as good a listner as I thought I was. One of my friends from uni disapeared and came back looking like hse had been crying, when I asked her what had happened she told me that her boyfriend of 18 months had told her that he didnt think things were working out... I had no idea what to say... I mean I could say that I am sorry but where does that get either of us? I just gave her a big hug and tried to let her know that I am there for her but really wasnt sure what to say. I felt kind of useless to be just sitting there and not saying anything while so much shite was flowing through her mind? Was I meant to say something? All I kept thinking is that I cant even begin to imagine what she is going through. I mean, if my new boyfriend were to say that to me I would be upset and I would miss him, but they have been together for 18 months can I even begin to imagine how much worse her feelings would be, if I were to feel that bad after only a short amount of time then I dont know how bad she must be feeling.
Speaking of the new boyfriend, I was having a chat to one of our mutual friends the other day (it just so happens he is the new b/f's best friend) and it turns out that the reason he had been acting strange around me was because he liked me. What am I emant to do now, I am trying to respect his feelings and not be too affectionate to the b/f when he is around but I cant really help it - and now he seems to be kind of ignoring me. I can understand if he is feeling uncomfortable etc. but it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I spoke to the b/f about it and he seemed to think that everything would be ok but I guess its just been bothering me more than usual - or is it bothering me more than what it should be?!?

2005-10-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

I dont really know what to write about today. I guess im not having a bad day which is a good start except i think im getting sick again and am tired of it. I hate having to go into hospital once every three months so they can fix me up only to have to turn around and to it again in another three months. I know tere are some people who have it worse than i do but there are alot of people who have it better as well. Dont get me wrong Im kinda used to hospitals by now and I started getting to know the nurses in one articular hospital because i was in there so much but as nice as these people are I would rather not have to be in the situation to know them in the first place. I guess if there was one thing about my life that I could change then that would be it. I would choose not to be sick anymore. Some people would want to earn more money or fall in love but I just want to be healthy - even one year without having to go into hospital.
Everything else seemed to be falling into place for me - for once - and now all of a sudden this had to happen again. I have a great guy in my life, work is going well, uni is going as well as it can, im getting alongwith all of my family members, and learning to deal with having lost both of my grandmothers in the past 14 months. Everything was gradually getting better, and now this. I guess I could be paranoid about it and I could just have some other thing that will pass in the next few days - and I really hope that it the case - but the chances of it being that easy are incredibly small.
I know no one said that life was easy... but did it have to be this creul?!?

2005-10-06T06:58:00.000-07:00

Isnt a father supposed to love his children and want to speak to them all the time and want to spend time with them?? Then how come you hear about fathers who spend 15 years lying to their children?? and fathers who dont contact their children??

My day

2005-10-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

Im not really sure what I am going to talk about tonight but i had the strange need to write in here. I guess i could let you know about my day... well it was pretty bad. Last night my new laptop decided that it wasnt going to work, so i got up this morning and hoped that it would work today... needless to say that it didnt work. It should be covered under warrantee though so thats not too bad.
Then I got charged a late fee of $66.00 for lodging a form today instead of friday... which mean that i had to pay $100 instead of $33. Then I got a parking ticket and a shitty note stuck to my car under the windscreen wiper from the parking inspector saying that basically he was able to give me multiple fines but he was giving me advanced warning and next time he would. Which I guess was nice but still annoyed me.
To make things worse one of the girls at work is going trough a really tough time at home at the moment and was getting really upset at work and kept bursting into tears.
And I guess I shouldnt complain because alot of ppl im sure had a worse day than me and i get annoyed at myself for thinking that my life is that much worse than everyone elses because it isnt. In alot of ways I have a great life - especially at the moment, Im living with a loving family, have a good job, have just started dating a really nice guy, am going to uni, have moeny for food and water and clothes, and have alot of luxuries that alot of people dont have.
Why is it then that people feel the need to complain about everything. Is nothing good enough for us or are we always left wanting more??

why???

2005-10-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

Just a question that im sure has been asked by many many people over the past few hours... how can anyone strap explosives to their bodies with the express purpose of blowing themselves up to injure and kill as many people as possible... or how can they make bombs know that they have the potential to kill hundreds of people. And why do they insist on attacking Bali. The Balinese people were only just starting to recover from the last round of attacks and get their lives back on track when these people - who can only be described as void of any feelings of compassion for people with other beliefs - decied to attack them. They have basically destroyed there lives wether they be immadiatly effected by the attacks or not - their lives are the tourism industry and the number of people who are now going to think twice or even three times about going to Bali means that their entire way of life will dissapear... how could someone do this???

Bitch or no bitch?

2005-09-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, Im utterly confused as to how my brain works... I should start from the beginning.
Just a note before I start though - this is all very high school like and thats what annoys me because when i left high school i was incredibly happy to be leaving all this shit behind... or so i thought.
I was at work the other day and found out that one of the girls there has been calling me a bitch because apparently i have been flirting with her boyfriend (the only male that works at our store). What she fails to notice after me telling her time and time again is that he is about 4 years younger than me - which is not to big of a problem if the person is of the same maturity of you - is incredibly immature, not at all good-looking, makes me angry intentionally at every chance he gets, and maybe if he was 4 years older and a whole lot more mature, attractive and had a completely different personality then maybe... maybe i may take a second look at him and consider flirting but as it is today i would never do that.
So I figured that I would let it go because im working with them both tonight. Then I saw them both yesterday when i was working and i just lost it. I was a complete bitch to them and said that if ppl are going to call me a bitch then i'm gonna damn well act like one - could I get any more immature???
So now I'm the one feeling bad because I shouldnt have gone off at them, so i felt it necessary to sms them and apologise. Now feel like i have to kiss their asses tonight in order to gain back any respect that they may have had for me in the first place.
But why should I need their respect? If theyre going to call me a bitch and intentionally make my life hell why would i want to have anything to do with them outside of work?
Well for one good reason - I know from personal experience if you cant respect someone in a more senior position than you in your workplace then your not going to make their life any easier and your not gonna want to do what they say.
So I think I just made an incredibly small pointless and immature issue into something slightly bigger, yet reading back on what I have just written I have to wonder - am they the immature ones or am I?

Marriage?? Love?? comments please...

2005-09-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, heres the deal. I've been thinking alot lately about the validity of marriage. I know people like to do it as a sign of their love and commitment to one another and commitment to god. I just wonder why people would want to do it with the statistics for divorce as high as they are. I cannot imagine loving someone so much that you want to spend your whole life with them and then turn around 10 mayeb even 2 years later and be hating them and never want to talk to them again. I cant imagine that because I would marry someone who wasnt only my lover, but also my best friend. I dont know how you can go from loving someone so much to hating them. The pain that you must go through during that time is unimaginable. And what about the children? If there are children involved what about them? Do people think what the impact may be on them to have their parents never wanting to talk to one another? For them to live in seperate states but to never even want to call the house in case they have to speak to the other party?
So I guess the whole point of this post isnt questioning what the point of marriage is but what is the point of love?
Sure its great while your there but the chances of it failing are that great and the chances of feeling that unimaginable pain that I talked about earlier is that great that I seriously being to wonder the point of loving anyone, after all I heard a saying in a show the other day that made so much sense to me and really hit home:
"The hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye"
What I want to know is, is it easier to learn how to say goodbye or just to never say hello in the first place???
Any comments on this by anyone reading would be much appreciated.